**UPDATE: 8/20/2019** This blog site is under construction just like my life. I have been clean from drugs since June 2011, just like it says in How It Works - I was one of those who thought I could control my drinking.. I know now that I am not. 7 years later and I am … Continue reading Cayla’s Not-So-Secret Diary
Life is already crazy enough, now throw trying to find time during a pandemic into the mix....
Today, I have been completely sober for 365 days. IN A ROW. Which is a miracle in and of itself. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in these past 365 days is if you want to die? Throw yourself into the sea and you’ll find yourself fighting to survive. You don’t want to … Continue reading 365
When we are carrying the burden of our unprocessed pain, sooner or later it will inconvenience us. Many of us are going through our lives aware that there is a pool of pain underlying our daily emotions that we've felt for so long we honestly aren't even sure where it comes from. It almost … Continue reading
...The core of who we are remains the same. All my life I kind of just went with the flow of life, somewhere along the line though I started fighting the changes and ups and downs of my life. I thought I could change outcomes and somehow change whatever anyone saw when they saw me. … Continue reading We all change throughout life…
This is NOT my writing, I am sharing it simply because with everything going on, it hit my heart in a way that I can't explain. Click Here for the original blogger. Yes there is fear. Yes there is isolation. Yes there is panic buying. Yes there is sickness. Yes there is even death. But, They … Continue reading Lockdown
There’s a question I have been pondering recently. What happens when we own everything we are? By ‘owning’, I mean speaking up about the pieces of ourselves that make us unique. It does no harm when speaking about the pieces of ourselves that we are proud of but by doing so only inflates our own … Continue reading The lost side of my story
As if getting sober isn’t hard enough, I pretty much have to re-learn how to do anything and everything. While using alcohol, drugs or other destructive behaviors I had been numbing my emotions for years. I don’t know about anyone else but when I was drinking, relationships were most definitely not my strong suit; in … Continue reading Learning to love me
What happens when you let the person in the mirror down..
I had met Eli at a neighborhood lesbian bar, where I had been going on occasion for a couple years. The first night I laid eyes on her was out on the dance floor, this short beautiful brunette caught my eye and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. The music was loud, lights were flashing … Continue reading Eli
This one here, it is a bitter sweet memory for me. I had a crush on Demi growing up through most of high school, our families were close and we were often at each others family get together's. Anyways, I never told her I liked her or anything growing up and college obviously led us … Continue reading Demi
For those who don’t know, I work two jobs, my Monday to Friday day job that is my career path. Then, a couple nights a week I manage and bartend at a local family sports restaurant; yes an alcoholic bartender, what a concept. Well, this is where a special saying comes in to play, after … Continue reading Bicentennial
The definition of sobriety is fixed for those who cannot control or have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Staying sober is more than just not using a substance. It involves living a healthy and productive life. It’s not about just dropping the bottle, it’s picking up those pieces and putting yourself and your life back … Continue reading 6 Months
Growth is actually contagious, so if you want to reach your goals, you’ve got to get around people who are going in the same direction you want to be going, and you will catch the success.” —Dr. Henry Cloud Someone in my meetings had said "by getting sober WE changed the rules". I have … Continue reading Surround yourself with people who get it.
This weekend has taught me one thing, I’m no longer the life of the party but that’s okay with me. I am going to own this “new life” of mine. My life has gotten quiet, it’s the Holiday season and I had not one but two holiday parties to attend. The first party, a woman … Continue reading ‘Tis the Season
4 months ago today I took my life back. By now most everyone knows that I am sober and for the most part it’s past the point of people congratulating me, trying to tell me “oh you didn’t have a problem” or privately asking me “don’t you miss drinking?” It almost seems like the buzz of … Continue reading 4 Months…
The bitterness of forbidden fruit is irresistible
This will be my last letter to you.I was very young when you left the first time but I was one of the lucky ones because someone did come into my life when I was 4, stepped up and took on what you clearly couldn't and has not left once in the past 25 years. … Continue reading Dear Mr. Aaron,
I read in a news article yesterday that two researchers Esko Lyytinen and Peter Jenniskens predicted the storm could produce anywhere between 400 to 1,000 meteors in the night sky. Data showed the peak of the storm would be around 11:50 p.m. but meteors could have been seen as early as 11:15 p.m. … Continue reading Alpha Monocerotids Meteor Stream
I wanted to make a post about some of the things I’ve noticed and learned in the past 100 days. I don’t need to be drunk to misplace things or be forgetful. I always summed it up to my drinking but surprisingly it turns out that side of my personality is just that, … Continue reading 100 Days
What's yours, will find you.
At 29 years old, I have personally asked myself the million-dollar question a handful of times "do I have a drinking problem?" I look inside myself, I am my toughest critic and I used to ask this question all of the time. I wondered if alcohol was holding me back, I couldn't figure out … Continue reading Alcohol is S#*T
Unlike a storybook, in life the person we fall in love with is the one that usually hurts us. Over and over, we will fall in love, commit and then get hurt. As humans, we have no choice but to recognize that people need people no matter what the hurt costs us. Love can be … Continue reading Time for the Next Chapter
I realized I hadn't done a well enough job at this transition between the old blog and the new one. So I figured no better time than now to give you all some background and explain why I started blogging just over a year ago and why it's changed recently. First and foremost, I do … Continue reading 50 Shades of Please Be Gay
We are more likely to meet people who share our values and goals when we maintain a positive and outgoing attitude in the presence of individuals we do not yet know. As someone who is "starting over" per say; it's vital that I surround myself with people who want to make themselves better, people who … Continue reading You can’t do EPIC shit with BASIC people.
Every year the University Suns high school had a winter basketball tournament and it had become a tradition that my teammate Ally and I had a sleepover that same weekend, we had never talked about me sleeping with girls or even kissing girls. She never seemed to show any curiosity but I of course had … Continue reading Ally