You are cunning, baffling and powerful.

You caught me by surprise, you pretended to be my friend and my lover all in one.

You gave me comfort, you were there when I was lonely. When I didn’t want to go on any longer, there you were.

You made me hurt and cry but would then make me so numb I wouldn’t be bothered by the two. You allowed me to stop feeling completely. You were an instant gratification.

You made me popular, we were the life of the party. Everyone wanted to be with us.

I never believed anyone that said you would destroy me, hurt me and have the potential to kill me. Heart attacks kill, car crashes kill, cancer kills. You kill.

You didn’t kill me though, you temporarily drained me. You emptied my soul and changed who I was. I can’t explain it or excuse it but I own it. I own all of my mistakes, all of my wrong doings and all of my truths.

I don’t know how many times I said “this is my last time.” It’s way too many to count, there is no explanation or grand revelation. All that matters is I’m better now, I’m not cured but I’m better.


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