Always wanting what we can’t have

They always say fall in love with your best friend – but what if you fall truly in love though?

 

I am guilty of this a handful of times, I have done it as long as I can remember; it also hurts a lot differently as a lesbian or gay man – you ultimately fall in love with someone that is NOT capable of giving you the same love in return, under any circumstance.  Yes, it’s fun to flirt and joke around but there are true feelings on your end that ARE in fact getting hurt and while it’s great to cuddle and kiss randomly because it’s “fun” for them – at the end of the day though, you only end up hurting yourself because you know where they stand and that it’ll never be what you want it to be.

 

 

If you’ve ever had a straight best friend that you’ve loved and had to remind yourself, it’ll never be.  It’s a tortuous cycle to put yourself through, you just really don’t have a choice except to figure out how to put the feelings to the side (because we all know, there is no “turning off” your true feelings.)

 

 

 

So this last part is to you. While all of my friends mean the world to me and I wouldn’t change the relationships for anything – that doesn’t stop me from wishing and dreaming that in another time, in another place… it would’ve happened with you. It doesn’t change me from thinking that maybe one day you’ll see the way I look at you, you’ll realize in one of our hug and kisses hello… Maybe one day when I hug you goodbye, you’ll feel in that moment the way I don’t want to let go of you. But if that day never comes, I’ll learn to live with that aching in my heart, I’ll survive as long as I have you in my life in one way or the other.

 

 

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