Today is Day 50. It seems crazy to think that I made it 50 days without picking up an alcoholic drink. I can't even begin to describe how big my obsession to drink was and still is some days. I decided to keep some notes of things that I've learned that way I can look … Continue reading Five-Oh
I had a full ride scholarship for college basketball not once but twice – I went to college in West Virginia on a full ride and decided for personal reasons to leave after freshman year and come home, I was given a second chance to play basketball at a school in Miami on yet another … Continue reading Director Dawson
They always say fall in love with your best friend - but what if you fall truly in love though? I am guilty of this a handful of times, I have done it as long as I can remember; it also hurts a lot differently as a lesbian or gay man - you ultimately … Continue reading Always wanting what we can’t have
One of the first girls to catch my attention in High school definitely made me realize my feelings started blossoming. I was beginning to realize I was attracted to several girls and this whole new world, if you will.. Opened up my mind and my life. I had my first girl kiss the summer going … Continue reading Mary
"Happily ever after" Finding your forever, building a family, making life long memories; that's the dream isn't it? I've been watching friend after friend get married, start a family and live all of the moments I've been dreaming of. Measuring my life up against anybody else is a waste of time because I will never … Continue reading One Day
I am not one who usually looks too deep into dreams or anything like that, so this will sound crazy This one dream has been haunting me, I had a crazy dream about three years ago... I was vacationing with a girl I was clearly with. I could see everything so vividly, her long wavy … Continue reading #FindingElizabeth
I most definitely think you have a choice when it comes to how you may view not just stopping drinking but becoming sober and actively recovering. You can view it as something you HAVE to do or you can view it as a positivist, curiosity and as a good thing. You can view your … Continue reading 30 Days
I have a tendency of staying too busy to actually feel my feelings. Since getting sober I have learned about this thing called agitated depression and it's opened my eyes to things I have been feeling for a while now, you could even say for a couple of years now actually. It is hard to … Continue reading All The Feels
Dear Cayla, If you’re reading this, it’s safe to say you (we) are having a hard time silencing the voice in your head that is saying you can drink. The voice is telling you that you’re not really an alcoholic, if you are – just have a few to calm this feeling. It’s telling you … Continue reading A letter to myself
Day 21 of being sober - they say it takes 21 days to build a habit. While getting sober, I've tried building habits but it's hard when the obsession is still stronger than ever. I am growing and evolving but I'm realizing that I haven't let completely go of who I was when I was … Continue reading Life on Life’s Terms
I can’t forget whenever I stop drinking, it won’t solve all of my problems but I will be able to know now my real problems and not just the ones I’ve been creating for myself. I will have to face the ones I had been numbing and drowning away. Sobriety doesn’t mean my problems went … Continue reading No more numbness
Last night I went to my first watch party while being sober. I was with people I trust and love, at first it was fine; I brought my own jug of sweet tea and my own cup. I noticed I was drinking my sweet tea like my life depended on it... The game started and … Continue reading Sober Football Game..
Sobriety is kind of like the fast-pass line at Disney World, except the ride is simply growing up. Your friends may not be rocked by the not drinking thing, it’s possible that if they aren’t engaging in their own path of self-discovery, there may be tension at some point while you figure yourself out, grow … Continue reading Evolving
My feelings seem to be all over the place - One minute I am on top of the world, unbeatable and invincible. The next minute, I am struggling, psychically drained and questioning if a sober life is worth this pain and chaos. If I ever had a long day at work or felt as if … Continue reading Emotional Rollercoaster
Two weeks sober and I had someone tell me I looked healthier and happier, while yes I was still having internal war-fare in my own mind; truth was I was in fact happier. I did in fact feel good too. Things I couldn't get the hang of in my new role (promotion) at work, I … Continue reading “You look healthier”
- I turned 29 this past July, my birthday party was a huge success - My best friend threw a huge surprise party with a giant water slide bounce house (yes, I had a giant bounce house at my 29th birthday; don't judge.) It was one of the few things that suited me, … Continue reading Outgrowing my own B.S.
I am an advocate for a company called Only Human. There was a post they put up today on Facebook that has changed a few thoughts/self awareness in me. "Pro tip: think about the things you say online and to humans who you may think aren’t listening. Turn on more lights than you turn off. … Continue reading Be a Good Human.
While it is painful to forget someone, it is also painful to wait for someone but the truest pain, the toughest pain is trying to decide if you should wait or forget. Pain will always come and go. It is just one major component to the grand scheme of life and love. It is … Continue reading Pain
I'm practicing non-attachment. Accepting what comes and allowing it to leave when it's time. What's for me will be for me effortlessly. Non-attachment is also known as detachment, which is when someone can overcome a desire for people, places, things and concepts of life. Through non-attachment someone will experience a perspective to life that is … Continue reading Non-Attachment
I am an advocate for a company called Only Human, we are a group of people that is growing - we believe that no one is on a "list." Whether you are Gay, Straight, Black, White or anything - that's not what you are, you are simply HUMAN. Many women and Men in that group … Continue reading Little Humans
Nothing I ever do seems good enough for anyone, maybe that's why I am so hard on myself and why I am constantly angry with myself. How could I expect myself to have confidence and an ounce of self worth and pride when I don't get it from anyone else in my life. I'm not … Continue reading It is what it is
This isn't a fun post for me to write, it's actually one that scares me to write. Very few know this story but I had a nightmare last night and felt now was the time to post it. I never pressed charges because I don't remember saying No. I never pressed charges because even though … Continue reading I didn’t say Yes..
I have been searching for a new idea for a blog post - something that would be beneficial to others as well. So after thinking for a few days I noticed on Facebook, I have so many friend's with their own business' and venture's from custom designed products, clothes, custom made clothes, candles and scent … Continue reading #FriendFriday
The practice of yoga is one I am most unquestionably a beginner at and I am proud of being a beginner, I have amazing instructors and friends at the studio I go to. During the course of a class there is a sequencing of Asanas, there's holding of poses.. scattered with slight … Continue reading Don’t mind me while I sob during Savasana
I think it’s time I let you go. It feels impossible to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the day dreaming, the running in place, replaying my memories... it’s not healthy. I’ve been holding on to the tiniest bit of hope that … Continue reading It’s time