As if getting sober isn’t hard enough, I pretty much have to re-learn how to do anything and everything. While using alcohol, drugs or other destructive behaviors I had been numbing my emotions for years. I don’t know about anyone else but when I was drinking, relationships were most definitely not my strong suit; in … Continue reading Learning to love me
What happens when you let the person in the mirror down..
I had met Eli at a neighborhood lesbian bar, where I had been going on occasion for a couple years. The first night I laid eyes on her was out on the dance floor, this short beautiful brunette caught my eye and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. The music was loud, lights were flashing … Continue reading Eli
This one here, it is a bitter sweet memory for me. I had a crush on Demi growing up through most of high school, our families were close and we were often at each others family get together's. Anyways, I never told her I liked her or anything growing up and college obviously led us … Continue reading Demi
Every year the University Suns high school had a winter basketball tournament and it had become a tradition that my teammate Ally and I had a sleepover that same weekend, we had never talked about me sleeping with girls or even kissing girls. She never seemed to show any curiosity but I of course had … Continue reading Ally
They always say fall in love with your best friend - but what if you fall truly in love though? I am guilty of this a handful of times, I have done it as long as I can remember; it also hurts a lot differently as a lesbian or gay man - you ultimately … Continue reading Always wanting what we can’t have
One of the first girls to catch my attention in High school definitely made me realize my feelings started blossoming. I was beginning to realize I was attracted to several girls and this whole new world, if you will.. Opened up my mind and my life. I had my first girl kiss the summer going … Continue reading Mary
"Happily ever after" Finding your forever, building a family, making life long memories; that's the dream isn't it? I've been watching friend after friend get married, start a family and live all of the moments I've been dreaming of. Measuring my life up against anybody else is a waste of time because I will never … Continue reading One Day
Nothing I ever do seems good enough for anyone, maybe that's why I am so hard on myself and why I am constantly angry with myself. How could I expect myself to have confidence and an ounce of self worth and pride when I don't get it from anyone else in my life. I'm not … Continue reading It is what it is
I think it’s time I let you go. It feels impossible to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the day dreaming, the running in place, replaying my memories... it’s not healthy. I’ve been holding on to the tiniest bit of hope that … Continue reading It’s time
When I think about "Happy Me" my mind races back to you. It races back to our time together.. Our disagreements and all of our memories. "Happy Me" is playing in snow, laughing out loud. My mind floods with pictures I have cherished since the beginning, I remember your kisses and your laugh. My mind … Continue reading Happy Me
I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart. … Continue reading Love is easy
I made everything about you for so long, that is changing now. You were a mystery to everyone but me, I knew all of your secrets, every curve on your body and I loved that I knew it all while everyone else wondered. Now I sit here, wishing I could forget everything about you, I’m … Continue reading So this is what healing feels like..
How am I supposed to un-love the person that I can’t let go of?
I just want to go into a bit more detail about this blog and why I started it NOW. A couple friends and I used to joke that I'd write a book one day about all the girl's I've been with because none of them were actually into girls. I wrote about 3 chapters in … Continue reading Fear of Failure..
I thought I knew what heart break was, what infatuation was, what lust was, most importantly I thought I knew what love was. Little did I know you would change all of that, you would change my beliefs, you would change my life. When someone attractive enters into your sight your pupils dilate 20%. When … Continue reading The one that got away