As if getting sober isn’t hard enough, I pretty much have to re-learn how to do anything and everything. While using alcohol, drugs or other destructive behaviors I had been numbing my emotions for years. I don’t know about anyone else but when I was drinking, relationships were most definitely not my strong suit; in … Continue reading Learning to love me
What happens when you let the person in the mirror down..
I had met Eli at a neighborhood lesbian bar, where I had been going on occasion for a couple years. The first night I laid eyes on her was out on the dance floor, this short beautiful brunette caught my eye and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. The music was loud, lights were flashing … Continue reading Eli
They always say fall in love with your best friend - but what if you fall truly in love though? I am guilty of this a handful of times, I have done it as long as I can remember; it also hurts a lot differently as a lesbian or gay man - you ultimately … Continue reading Always wanting what we can’t have
I am not one who usually looks too deep into dreams or anything like that, so this will sound crazy This one dream has been haunting me, I had a crazy dream about three years ago... I was vacationing with a girl I was clearly with. I could see everything so vividly, her long wavy … Continue reading #FindingElizabeth
Sobriety is kind of like the fast-pass line at Disney World, except the ride is simply growing up. Your friends may not be rocked by the not drinking thing, it’s possible that if they aren’t engaging in their own path of self-discovery, there may be tension at some point while you figure yourself out, grow … Continue reading Evolving
Nothing I ever do seems good enough for anyone, maybe that's why I am so hard on myself and why I am constantly angry with myself. How could I expect myself to have confidence and an ounce of self worth and pride when I don't get it from anyone else in my life. I'm not … Continue reading It is what it is
I think it’s time I let you go. It feels impossible to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the day dreaming, the running in place, replaying my memories... it’s not healthy. I’ve been holding on to the tiniest bit of hope that … Continue reading It’s time
When I think about "Happy Me" my mind races back to you. It races back to our time together.. Our disagreements and all of our memories. "Happy Me" is playing in snow, laughing out loud. My mind floods with pictures I have cherished since the beginning, I remember your kisses and your laugh. My mind … Continue reading Happy Me
I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart. … Continue reading Love is easy
We all start as strangers, there is no doubt about that. The choices that we make in terms of love are usually ones that seem to be inevitable anyway. We will find people irrationally compelling. We will find souls made of the same stuff ours are. We will find classmates and partners and neighbors and … Continue reading Strangers
I made everything about you for so long, that is changing now. You were a mystery to everyone but me, I knew all of your secrets, every curve on your body and I loved that I knew it all while everyone else wondered. Now I sit here, wishing I could forget everything about you, I’m … Continue reading So this is what healing feels like..
How am I supposed to un-love the person that I can’t let go of?
This post isn't a normal one for this blog but it's weighing heavy on my heart this week, leading up to my birthday. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. My life feels like it's been broken up into two parts, with Nannie and After Nannie. (Nannie is my great … Continue reading Grief